Supreme Court Decision

The United States Supreme Court ruled today that all citizens, and even those that are not citizens, and those that do not have a photo ID, must buy a motorcycle by the end of 2012.

In a ruling that cheered motorcycle dealers everywhere, the court ruled that since everyone will have health care forced down their throat, they may as well go out and "take a spin."  Chief Justice Roberts, whose flowing robes looked cool while riding up on a Ninja 250, noted he was a "lane changer" and frequently cut off most vehicles while veering to the left.

Justice Elena Kagan, already known for her riding around with President Obama, was firmly behind the ruling.  She noted "our country has been going downhill fast so you may as well get on a R1 and go for it."

Motorcycle Dealers are thrilled with the ruling.  Many had noted they had no idea how "Obamacare" would effect their business expenses but anticipated costs for health care and related expenses would be driven up. With people now required to purchase a motorcycle, dealers, like the health care system, can offer less services for more money, while generally ignoring what the majority of people actually want.  

The remaining justices were split on whether to mandate sport bikes, off road, or cruisers.  In a united ruling, four justices wrote there should be no specification of which type of motorcycle you ride "as long as you put something exciting between your legs."  Dissenting justices felt that the citizens would be best served by just getting scooters; which provide gas savings.  It was also noted they felt more comfortable with the look of a scooter and like the country, they are "getting no where otherwise."

Funding for the program will be determined by various levels.  The middle class, with income up to $120,000 will have to spend their own money on a new motorcycle.  Also, they, through a payroll tax, will assist millionaires in purchasing exotic motorcycles and high end cruisers.  Those who do not have a photo ID will automatically be given a naked sport bike so they may ride it freely across the border into another country.  The Federal Reserve and Department of Justice will administer the lack of ID program.